Excuse me?
A new survey has ranked the best tailgating states in America, and somehow Pennsylvania didn’t make the Top 10.
Louisiana took the crown, followed by Alabama, Texas, Wisconsin, Georgia and Maryland.
Maryland?!
Look, no disrespect to Louisiana. Those people know how to cook, drink and throw a party. Alabama? College football is basically a religion down there. Wisconsin? Anybody willing to stand outside in January wearing a foam cheese wedge on their head deserves some respect.
But you’re telling us Pittsburgh isn’t among America’s tailgating elite?
Have these people ever been to the North Shore on a Steelers Sunday?
The parking lots around Acrisure Stadium start looking like small villages hours before kickoff. There are grills. There are tents. There are Terrible Towels. There are people cooking enough kielbasa to feed Allegheny County.
Somebody's uncle is wearing shorts when it's 27 degrees.
Someone else has converted a vehicle that probably hasn't passed inspection since the Cowher administration into a fully functioning Steelers bar.
And somewhere, inevitably, "Renegade" is playing.
Here's the best part: the survey itself provides evidence that Pennsylvania got robbed.
Researchers surveyed 5,000 tailgaters and homegaters across the country and found the average American attends about two tailgates a year.
Pennsylvania?
3.4.
That was the highest average in the entire country.
So apparently we actually GO to more tailgates than anybody else. We just aren't sufficiently impressed with ourselves to vote ourselves America's greatest tailgaters.
That's very Pittsburgh.
The survey says Louisiana residents were most likely to believe they know the secret to the perfect tailgate, with 78% saying so. Alabama came in at 76%, followed by Texas, Wisconsin, Georgia, Maryland, Illinois, Nebraska, Ohio and Florida.
OHIO?!
Okay. Now this is personal.
Because Pittsburgh tailgating isn't something invented for Instagram. It's generational.
It's your dad's folding table.
It's your uncle's ancient Coleman grill.
It's chipped ham, kielbasa, burgers, pierogies and somebody's buffalo chicken dip that they're WAY too proud of.
It's showing up four hours before kickoff for a game you're going to spend another three hours watching.
And if the Steelers win?
Nobody is going home.
Ironically, the survey found 68% of Americans keep the party going after the game.
Around here we call that Sunday.
So congratulations, Louisiana. Enjoy the trophy.
But we'd respectfully invite the people conducting the next survey to spend one December Sunday in a parking lot outside Acrisure Stadium.
Bring a coat.
Bring an appetite.
And bring the revised rankings.
Because leaving Pittsburgh out of America's Top 10 tailgating destinations might be the biggest blown call of the football season — and the season hasn't even started yet.